Working through an Unevenly Yoked Marriage
What happens when you find yourself in an unevenly yoked relationship after you've said the big "I do?" What’s a wife to do in such a situation?
I can’t even begin to express how much turmoil and confusion you’ll bring into your soul and into your marriage by even the smallest form of comparison. The beginning of comparing your marriage to other marriages that seem to be so “godly,” or other men who appear to be such “mighty men of God” is also the best place for the enemy to get a foothold of your mind. Soon you become dissatisfied and even turned off by your man from looking at the grass on the other side. You might even start to believe that you’re not meant to be together. I mean obviously, you’re living in two different world, right? Then you feel stuck and the enemy has officially drawn you into a dark place of confusion. He’s successfully robbed you of your joy, and the potential beauty your marriage currently has, that you've become blind to, because you’re too busy seeing it for what it's not, thanks to your faulty comparisons.
Everything is not what it seems. You have no idea what other couples are going though under the surface. Don’t let the smoke and lights of social media fool you. Prayerfully, they’re doing well, but all I'm saying is water your own grass. Proverbs 4:27 says, “Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil.” Focus dead ahead! No matter how disappointing it may seem sometimes, God has ordained your marriage and hasn't set you up to fail. He can create good from the bad if we have patience, trust in him, and make the investments we need to in our own bank (house). Successful marriages prosper not because they’re perfect, but because two people have made the decision to fight for it. And put on your positive glasses. I'm sure there are things about him that you love. There’s a reason you married the man. Don't forget about the man you married when you decided to spend your life together.
Refill your well
So yes, marriage is work. Whether the man and wife are the most anointed people on the face of this planet, or you've found yourself in an unevenly yoked marriage; you’ll find at least one thing in common. Every marriage takes work. Because every marriage is the union of two imperfect people with different backgrounds, different upbringings and different personalities. And the truth of the matter is that, we’re not God. Our love is limited, our emotions get the best of us and sometimes it’s just draining, spiritually, mentally, emotionally.
When you’re in an unevenly yoked marriage and it feels like you’re carrying the spiritual weight of the household, you need to stay refueled. When you know you've been pouring out, there’s been turmoil in the house, and you’re starting to feel stressed out of your mind, you don’t know how much longer you can do this; that's a good sign that it’s time to refill your well. You’re starting to run on the fumes of your flesh and out of the vein of His spirit, which produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
My suggestion to get in a morning routine to set the pace of the day, even if that means waking up earlier to have a moment of prayer, reading, listening to music (and coffee, of course). Get on a daily bible reading plan. Share your burdens with a trusted and mature friend or mentor (of the same sex) you can confide in who’s a believer and wants the best for your marriage. Balance what you take on so life’s duties don’t neglect time that should be invested in spending time with the family. Watch a movie together, play a game, relax.
GRACE is the 5 letter word that has become the central theme of my marriage. I honestly, don’t see how a marriage could survive without a healthy application and understanding of grace. What is grace truly? Well, we can get a clear understanding from the Creator of grace Himself, which shows us a pardon and kindness we don’t deserve. Fueled by love, grace is an acceptance that can’t be earned by what we do or taken away by what we've done. The grace God has given us to sustain an everlasting relationship with Him is the same grace God is calling us to have for our husbands to sustain a lasting marriage.
He will mess up. He will mess up bad. He will get on your nerves. He will do things the wrong way. He will say the wrong things. He will make you question how this will continue to work this way. And guess what? You’ll get it wrong too. That's what happens when two imperfect people come together. They become an imperfect couple. But GRACE is the substance that makes the unworkable, somehow work. Its recognizing and accepting that he’s a flawed human being and deciding that your marriage and your family—the big picture—is worth fighting for. So we forgive and we grow again and again and again. And just when it seems like we got it, we do it all over again. No, it wasn't in the fine print of your marriage certificate. But it makes us stronger, it brings us closer, and it takes us deeper. So have grace. Write it down. Paint it across your walls. Tattoo it on your forehead. Don't forget it.
I've had women reach out to me about this more than once and from personal experience I can honestly say some days I've done well with these, other days I’m also a flawed human being which is exactly why we all need patience and grace, including your hubby.
Let me pray for you:
Father, thank you for my sister and the woman that you’ve called her to be. I ask that you continue to strengthen her with your mighty hand and remind her of the purpose you have called her to in her marriage. Cover her marriage Lord. And everyone in their household. May the words of her mouth and the meditation of her heart be pleasing to you as she fights to be the wife you’ve created her to be. Direct her steps. Fill her with your presence and remind her that she is not alone in this journey. Arrest the spirit of our men in a way that they can’t ignore. May they experience you in ways they’ve never known before. Remind us of your unfailing grace and where you’ve brought us from so that way may extend the same grace to those around us everyday. We’re clinging to your promises with faith. We thank you for all that you’ve done and everything you’re getting ready to do. In Jesus name. Amen.
Written by Brittney Moses