“So, why do you want to get married?” I will ask the starry-eyed couple.

“Oh,” they will sigh, “We love each other. We need each other.”

I will smile and give them my standard answer: “Two needy, wounded people do not make a healthy marriage.  That makes a hospital.”

The couple will seem shocked. After all, don’t we get married because the other person meets our needs?

Short answer: NO. If you are looking for someone who can make you (fill in the blank: happy, complete, feel good about yourself, etc.) you will be utterly disappointed. A healthy marriage is the coming together of two healthy people.  What do I mean by healthy?

Each person has to be defined by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Each partner – husband and wife – must find both their identity and destiny in Christ before they are capable of being in a healthy Christian marriage. The husband cannot be defined by his wife, and the wife cannot be defined by her husband.  Their common identity in Christ is what keeps them together.

I know this is not a very romantic view of marriage, but the world has polluted romance into a shallow pool of emotion. When that pool dries up, so does the relationship. For the marriage to survive—forget that—for the marriage to thrive, both the husband and wife must be connected to the Living Water that never runs dry. That’s Jesus. That’s Jesus alone.

So what about your marriage? How deep is your relationship with Jesus? Might be a good question to think about before you get angry at your spouse for not giving something to you they can’t give.