Why Mentors Don't Call


Part of growing as a man is learning to take responsibility for your personal growth and development. Taking the initiative often means asking for help.

A few of the guys I’ve mentored have gotten their feelings hurt because I don’t call them. I could hide behind “I’m really busy” or “I’ve got a lot of mentees and not enough time to go around.” But I don’t.

Truth is they have to call me.

There’s a purpose here. Actually, there are two.

First, men need to take responsibility for their own growth and development. With hundreds of thousands of books, podcasts, videos, and web resources available, guys continue to sit and watch ESPN cycle over and over. The average American reads only .58 books per year but watches over 28 hours of television per week. We let our culture feed us what it wants to “sell” us without thinking about what WE want or need. If a man is to become a man of dignity, integrity and grace, he’s got to take the initiative. He’s got to reach out to mentors, search out things to read, watch and listen to. He’s got to take responsibility for his personal and spiritual growth. A mentor can be a valuable resource, but the mentee has to step up for himself.

The other reason a mentor doesn’t call is to teach his protégé to ask for help. America has bred a generation of self-sufficient, “macho” men who are too proud to ask for anything. Yet inside, they’re more needy than they can ever imagine.

God created a world defined by need and interdependency. True intimacy begins when a person can “safely” bring his need to another and get help. There’s something built into us that leads us to help those in need. It bonds us with them in a unique way. Jesus had 12 disciples, but the three he was closest to…Peter, James and John, were initiating conversations, asking him for answers, and seeking his help.

Question: Are you actively taking it upon yourself to seek out the help/guidance/wisdom you need, or are you just waiting for it to come to you?  How have you been blessed by being the initiator?

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