Who I Am Doesn’t Feel Good Enough
"‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.’" Luke 1:38a (NIV)
Several years ago I sat in a seminar listening to a very organized mom talking about how she parented her kids. She was an amazing woman -- a super mom in my eyes.
I held up my feeble efforts with my three toddlers and determined I stunk as a mother. Who I was just didn’t feel good enough. So I thought maybe if I went home and imitated her, I could enter into the world of super moms.
I mentally listed what I discerned must be her secret to success and set about to be just like her. But it didn’t take long before I was absolutely miserable. I mentally beat myself up for not having what it obviously took to be a great mom. What was wrong with me?
I begged God to make me just like her — that really good mom. And then one day in Bible study I read the story of Mary, the teenage mother of Jesus. My heart beat fast as I realized she didn’t meet the standard of super mom I’d set for myself.
Somehow, just as she was, God chose her to be Jesus’ mother. And the only qualification she seemed to have was her willingness. We see her trust in God’s plan in our key verse, Luke 1:38a: "‘I am the Lord’s servant,’ Mary answered. ‘May your word to me be fulfilled.‘"
So I made the choice to try and let go of all those expectations I had for myself as a mom. I let go of the comparisons to other moms. I laid down the measuring stick of perfection. And I simply bowed my head and gave God my willingness.
Slowly, I started to see my own unique qualities as a mom instead of always focusing on the places I felt I fell so short. I may not be the most organized mom, but I’m a fun mom willing to drop my to-do list in the name of spontaneity.
I may not do sit-down devotions with my kids every morning, but I’m good at helping my kids see God working in situations all throughout our days.
I may not be able to even sew a hem, but I know where to find a seamstress who is amazing.
I may not always keep my cool in the everyday aggravations of life, but throw something big at me and somehow I’ll be the calmest person in the room.
Sure I have a lot of room for growth in my mothering. God and I work on things daily. But over the past 10 years I’ve learned how to embrace who I am and the beauty of living fully as me.
And while I still fall short at times, I’m finally embracing that being fully me is so much better than an imitation version of someone else.
I have the exact qualities God knew my kids would need in a mother. So, each day I hold up my willingness and ask God to make me the best version of me I can be.
Dear Lord, I lift up my willingness to You today in all areas of my life — at home, at work, in ministry, and in my relationships. My greatest desire is to be the woman You’ve called me to be and not anyone else. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
TRUTH FOR TODAY:
John 15:16, "You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit — fruit that will last — and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you." (NIV)
Jeremiah 1:5, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." (NIV)
REFLECT AND RESPOND:
What area of your life have you been comparing to another person’s?
Remember this week that God has given you the qualities you need to match the position He’s called you to. Pray that He will help you to embrace this truth instead of comparing yourself to others.