When You’ve Fallen Out of Love


It's not too late to start loving your spouse again. Brandon Cox offers his three-point plan for rekindling lost love.

We don’t actually “fall” in love. We choose to act lovingly. Attraction might be instant, but love is cultivated over time. And since we don’t fall in love, we don’t actually fall out of love either. We stop choosing to act lovingly. And when we’re not cultivating a relationship lovingly, things get cold.

Jesus once wrote to a church that was guilty of losing its love for Him. They were going through the motions, holding to the truth, and behaving like a church, but they had stopped acting lovingly toward Him. Something had gone cold in their relationship with Jesus, and His admonition to them contains the perfect plan for any of us who are in the same boat.

“You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.” - Revelation 2:4-5 NLT

His simple three-point plan for rekindling lost love is simple:

  1. Remember. That is, remember what it was like when we were acting lovingly in the past.
  2. Repent. Change. Turn around. Decide to head back in the opposite direction.
  3. Return. Start doing the things you did at first. Choose to act lovingly again.

This is a good word for a church that has stopped worshipping Jesus with genuine love. It’s also a good word for an individual whose walk with God has grown stale. It’s a good word for married couples, or anyone else who feels that their former feelings of love have grown cold.

After all, love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice to act – a commitment to do things that are loving. And it’s never to late to start loving again.


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