When There's Not a "Good" Guy in Sight

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If you’re wondering where all of the good guys have gone, here are some truths to hold on to.

You look around at the landscape of your world, and it feels like a desert. There’s not a good, godly guy in sight, and you can’t help but wonder . . .

Will it always be this way?

We hear from many of you who are committed to waiting for God’s timing for love and romance. You’re determined not to settle for less than God’s best for you, and yet the gift of love, romance, and marriage feels like a mirage. We hear the worry in your words as you tell us, “There aren’t any guys who I’m interested in” or worse,“There aren’t any guys who are interested in me.”

If you’re wondering where all the good guys have gone, here are some truths to hold on to.

Guys Bear God’s Image

Let’s hop in the Wayback Machine and set the dial for the Garden of Eden, because in Genesis 1 we find a critical truth.

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).

Mankind bears God’s image. Guys bear God’s image uniquely as guys. Girls bear God’s image uniquely as girls. From the beginning guys and girls were created with tremendous value. God doesn’t esteem one gender more than another.

What in the world does that have to do with your dating search? Mind if I answer your question with a question?

Are you looking for a guy who expresses his faith just like you do, or are you looking for a guy who follows Christ uniquely as a guy?

I’m asking because as I meet with girls who’ve decided there are no good guys, I often discover that what they really mean is this: There are no guys who express their faith in Christ in ways women think they should. Perhaps they don’t serve with public, upfront gifts like preaching and teaching. Maybe they don’t journal. Perhaps they worship in ways that are reserved and private.

Yet these are not the qualifiers for being Christian men. If a guy has surrendered his life to Christ, he is accepted by Him. Shouldn’t he be accepted by us, too? I’m not advocating lowering the bar. Any guy you date must be a Christian. There’s no room to compromise there, but expressing that faith in ways that are different from yours shouldn’t be. He was made to bear God’s image uniquely.

There Are No “Good” Guys

You’ve told me there are no “good guys.” ‘Fraid I’ll have to agree, but flip over that coin sweet girl, and see this truth staring back at us—there are no good girls either.

Jesus said it this way: “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone” (Mark 10:18).

Here’s another way to say that: “None is righteous, no, not one” (Romans 3:10).

Every single guy you will ever meet is a sinner. But guys don’t have the market cornered on sin. We sin, too. A perfect guy will elude you the rest of your life. He only existed once, and He died on the cross 2,000 years ago. Absolutely wait for a guy who loves Jesus and loves and serves you well. However, if you’re waiting for perfection, you will find yourself in the desert indefinitely.

Ask the Lord to give you eyes to see guys who are following Him imperfectly, just like you are.

Ask Two Questions

Life, it seems, is full of waiting rooms. Right now you may be waiting for a great guy. In another season you may find yourself waiting to hear a great guy propose. Then waiting for the wedding. You may wait for a job, a home, a baby. In every single waiting room you will ever sit in there will be a temptation to look around and see bleak possibilities. Instead of “there are no good guys” you may feel like:

-- There are no good jobs out there.

-- There are no houses in our price range.

-- There is no cure for this ailment.

-- There is no way this is ever going to get better.

That’s scarcity talking, friend. Scarcity looks around and sees what is missing. But we serve an abundant God who is never limited by the possibilities we are able to see (or not see). Every season of waiting prompts us to ask these two questions:

1. Do I believe God is good?

2. Do I believe God is sovereign? (a.k.a. Do I believe He can handle this?)

I’m afraid these questions can’t lead to wishy-washy answers. Either God is good or He isn’t. If He is (and oh how He is!), then His plan for you is good. Either God is sovereign or He isn’t. If He is (and oh how He is!), then He can drop a guy in the desert for you, He can send love to the most unlikely of places, He can satisfy your desires with good things in perfect timing.

Calling All Good Guys

I look around and see great guys everywhere. They aren’t perfect, but they love Jesus. They don’t think or act like I do, but we both bear the image of God. It’s true they may not all be boyfriend material, but they are still worthy of championing, don’t you think?

So to prove to those who remain skeptical that great guys still exist, let’s talk about the ones we know. Is there a guy in your world who loves Jesus? Tell us about him below. Good guys may not exist, but I bet you’ll be surprised how many of God’s guys do.

By Erin Davis

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