What Men Want


A healthy relationship doesn't just pop out of the ground; it’s cultivated. Here are five ways husbands want to grow in intimacy with their wives.

Intimacy is so much more than sex.

Men tend to think sex leads to intimacy, yet women often see it the other way around. Men and women are wired differently, and that’s OK. Understanding each other’s perspective will go a long way toward making a marriage more intimate and fulfilling.

Paul wrote to Christians: “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (Philippians 2:3-4). When we’re focused on meeting our spouse’s needs rather than our own, the relationship is better off.

Besides “have more sex,” here are:

5 Ways Men Want To Grow In Intimacy With Their Wives

1. Keep dating us.  

Dating is how it started. Dating can help it keep going. When a couple says, “We’re no longer in love,” you can almost bet they stopped dating. A healthy relationship does not just pop out of the ground; it’s cultivated.

Remember how much you focused on each other during your first dates? Whether you’ve been married 17 days or 17 years, you can do this. Ask each other questions; be interested. If you’re making the date about each other, it’s going to be a great date.

Before we got married, my wife and I went on at least one date a week. We still do after 17 years of marriage and we’re better for it.

2. Use your words.

Talk good to us; talk good about us. Ladies tend to underestimate how their words can build us up. On the other hand, telling others about your man’s failures erodes trust.

My wife is good about letting me know when I’ve done a good job around the house or with the kids. I can live a long time on a bit of affirmation from her.

3. Want us more.

We want to be wanted—and not just sexually. We want you to like being around us. We don’t always have to be talking; proximity counts. Be the first to hold our hand. Greet us at the door when we come home and send us off with a kiss. These things mean more than you could imagine.

Even through small gestures, my wife has convinced me that she wants me around.

4. Communicate clearly.

A man in love would do just about anything for his woman. But a lot of the time we don’t know what you want. We can’t act on things we don’t know. The next time you want us to do something for you, just spell it out for us.

My wife knows I’m not a great mind reader. It is great when she says, “This is where I want to go to dinner,” or “It would mean a lot to me if you’d pick up the kids today.”

5. Focus on Jesus.

Spouses do better together when they’re both individually focused on Christ. When we’re open about our struggles, we struggle less. When we’re honest with each other about our individual weaknesses, we’re stronger together.

My wife does a great job of encouraging me in my relationship with Jesus. She tells me regularly, “I’m praying for you today” and asks me what I’m learning in the Bible.

For all of us, a successful, intimate marriage comes down to Jesus because “in Christ all things hold together” (Colossians 1:17).

By Trevor Cox


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