What Men Value
For anyone who has been married longer than a week, it’s obvious that men and women have different perceptions of value. It’s not a matter of right of wrong but rather the unique difference in their thinking. Understanding that is at the foundation of a good marriage.
For this post, I’m writing a few thoughts about the general perception of men. It is by no means complete, but I think it will give women a little food for thought and perhaps help them understand their husband better.
Men tend to value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their primary fulfillment is in success and accomplishment. This is often reflected in a desire for autonomy and being goal oriented.
A man’s identity usually comes from his ability to achieve results. That is why one of the worst things that can happen for a man is to lose his job or employment. It can leave him feeling empty and worthless as his identity is brought into question.
This is hard ladies, but one of the worst things you can do when your husband’s identity has been brought into question is to offer unsolicited advice. Why, because for the most part it is perceived as criticism. It can make him feel like a foolish little boy who is incompetent, stupid, weak, unaccepted and unloved.
Instead of advice, offer encouragement that reinforces his identity and value. And little will encourage him more than your loving passionate arms of acceptance. Do that, and you may find him soliciting your advice.