What if a Husband and Wife Disagree About Money?
I often say that our money issues are merely symptomatic of our heart’s issues. This fact is magnified in marriage, when two people’s “stuff” is brought to light when money dilemmas arise. Judy and I still disagree about our finances as much as or more than we disagree about anything else in our marriage, even after nearly 50 years together. God has certain tools that He uses more frequently than others, and money is one of His favorites!
One of the best pieces of advice that I ever heard about money disagreements came from a woman who is a counselor and who has walked many people through marital discord. Here’s what she said: when two people who are married remain in disagreement over an issue, after having done all that they can do to communicate through that issue to try to resolve it, there is really only one remaining step. They both need to surrender their will on the issue and come together before the Lord, asking Him to reveal His will on the topic. When both people have laid down their “rights,” they have no more stake in the argument. If the couple can pray together, on a daily basis, to ask God to reveal His will on the issue, they can rest in knowing that His will is the best for them. When He reveals His will, they are both ready to act on it, rather than on their own will.
I understand that this method requires that both parties be praying believers, and that both are willing to surrender their right to a particular outcome. It also means that the couple must be willing to wait on God to speak to their particular situation. So, you may find yourself in a marriage situation where these conditions don’t exist. In that case, I encourage you to pray boldly on your own and trust God to lead you–either to surrender or to compromise–or for Him to change your spouse’s heart on the topic you are praying about.
No matter the outcome, we can all rest on the assurance that God gives us in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”(NASB) God cares about our heart, and He sees our money as a tool to accomplish His purposes in our heart. So, the ultimate accomplishment of His purposes for us is not dependent upon the money choices that we make in our marriages but upon trusting His work in our heart.
May God’s peace encourage you as you pursue financial wisdom and depend on His Truth.