The next time you're in the midst of a conflict, here's a question to help you cut through the emotion and focus on a solution.

Conflict can be messy and uncomfortable, but what if it can actually be good?

Recently, I was hurt by something a friend had done. I realized I had a choice to make. I could get all caught up in the emotion and make this a much bigger deal than it needed to be or I could try a better perspective. As I read some passages from the Bible on staying calm, a question came to mind: “Lysa, what do you really want?”

That question helped me cut through the emotion and focus on a solution. I called my friend and we talked. I asked her if the solution I thought of might work. We processed it together and made some great progress.

I think there’s something to this. If we can identify what we’re after, we won’t get lost in a whirlpool of feelings along the way.