What Do I Do When My Spouse and I Are Not on the Same Page About Our Giving?


Jeff Anderson suggests that couples can connect in worship and spiritually when they disagree on their finances.

What are two ways that spouses can connect when they disagree on giving?

#1 Connect in Worship

Often spouses bring different worship preferences to the marriage. When it comes to Christian living, we all agree the matter of generosity is more important than the matter of church size, style or song selection. 

Whether your church sings hymns or pop-praise, whether your pastor sports a tie or a tattoo–these considerations are not significant to the core elements of financial giving.

Still, when couples struggle to find agreement with worship preferences, they struggle to find agreement with the weightier matters. 

Attending a church does not define a Christian. However, we are biblically instructed to be connected to a body of believers for spiritual growth, connection and protection–whether it be the downtown church or the house church. 

And when couples connect on the little things like church worship preferences–they'll be better able to connect in the areas that really matter.  

#2 Connect Spiritually

Spouses are not always at the same level spiritually. When this is the case, there can often be a rub in the area of generosity.

One spouse may be seeking to grow spiritually and connect deeper with God through new levels of giving. The other spouse can feel alienated and detached from this process because of where they are (or are not) spiritually. The more mature partner may be able to pull them along the journey for a while, but likely not forever. 

For the more spiritually mature spouse, think about what it would look like to be generous to your spouse. How can you invest in his or her spiritual development? 

Perhaps instead of a gift for missions, you invest in attending a Christian couple’s conference together to connect spiritually. Maybe instead of a special gift to the church capital campaign, you invest in an overseas trip together with the church missions group. 

I am not providing excuses to give less, and I know you are not looking for them either. But there's much grace in the giving journey–especially for couples where spouses are disconnected spiritually. 

God knows your heart on this matter and your desire to grow together in the giving journey. Step back and consider creative ways to invest financially in connecting spiritually with your spouse so that you can advance in the giving journey together.

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