Under My Wings
Do you snuggle so tightly with your little ones that you almost can become one? It is almost intoxicating to me when my girls get cuddled up so close – they squirm and move and inch their way up so close to my neck until they have found their best spot. Then, we are often face-to-face or cheek-to-cheek. And breathing together. In the same rhythm. It’s really my favorite thing ever about being a mom.
In this spot, they are safe.
In this spot, all wrongs are erased.
In this spot, they belong.
In this spot, they are loved because they are mine.
In this spot, little hurts and big wounds are mended.
In this spot, they don’t need to do anything or earn anything.
In this spot, they can just be and rest.
My Larson is growing out of the spot. She’s getting so big. Sometimes, she can get herself into a tiny ball and still snuggle like my baby.
Ella definitely has outgrown the spot. I have noticed she doesn’t like it. I try to hold her and grab her. We can’t quite find our snuggle spot with this new 7-year-old body of hers. I can see her eyes go down with sadness when I pick up Larson to snuggle. Ella and I had a spat the other day. We did a quick “I’m sorry.” Then, she came down (I was still mad and annoyed) and she did 2-3 things to show off or get my attention. They were silly acts to get attention.
She said, ‘Mom! What else am I going to have to do to make you forgive me?”
It hit me like a ton of bricks. How often do I withhold my love and forgiveness from Ella? Would God do that to me? Even though the cuddle spot isn’t possible for Ella, she still desperately needs to feel that spot under my wings. Emotionally or physically. Same feeling. She needs to feel safe, unconditionally loved, forgiven, in my good graces, like she’s enough.
I think these little moments are nudges from God saying “don’t miss this.” I don’t want to miss out on a chance to show my Ella I still absolutely DELIGHT in her very presence. Just like when she was tiny and edible. I want to lift her up and swing her around and kiss her face. I want to figure out the new “spot” for us – like 2 puzzle pieces fitting together. A restoration of a bond. A confirmation that she is absolutely adored and loved, always and forever.
Even though she may be too old or cool for that, I’m going to do it. And, what else would send her that message? Sitting down and doing the rainbow loom? Or telling her ONE MORE STORY at night when I don’t want to? Or rubbing her back? Or a giant hug – both arms and even lift her up and twirl around? Or finding something we both love to do together? A sacred place/moment for us?
Or, maybe it’s ME making the choice to let the “mood” go, even when they aren’t doing their best. Truly forgiving them and not acting mad and holding onto anger. I need to choose to love them the way Jesus loves me. He wouldn’t hold a grudge. We are always invited with open arms to rest in his wings. I want that to be the way my girls feel – so they get a tiny glimpse of the love of their Father.
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