The Sick-of-Me Life
"Then I pray to you, O LORD. I say, 'You are my place of refuge. You are all I really want in life.'" Psalm 142:5 (NLT)
I must be honest: I need God to consume me more than my life currently does.
Life ... the often busy, imperfect, challenging daily ride that brings with it human struggle.
The truth is, I am sick of me.
I am sick of being afraid. I am sick of being hot and cold for God, depending on my circumstance. I am sick of wrestling with the same things I've wrestled with for most of my life.
I want to be well. I want to be productive and joyful. I want to be useful for the Kingdom, valuable to my family, and have something to show of my time on earth. When I meet God one day, I want to say with open hands, Here's what I did with the life You gave me.
I want God. I want Him to show up tangibly in me. I want Him to blow me away with insights and remind me that He is bigger than all my daily crazy. I want Him to sweep me off my feet and take me on one of His many amazing adventures.
It is not a bad thing when we are sick of ourselves. It is, in fact, a good thing. Because that's when we will desire God in such a big way that we are willing to let go of the steering wheel of our life and let God drive us into our future.
The sick-of-me life says:
I'm tired of fighting for people to love me. I'm exhausted by this chase for approval.
I'm tired of watching God use other people. I want Him to use me.
I'm tired of being halfway in with God. I want to get off the spiritual roller coaster where I'm good one minute and the next minute I don't want to pray or read my Bible. I want to make progress.
I'm tired of making decisions based on my fear of the unknown and my desire for comfort. I want to be free from the chains that have kept me bound.
I'm tired of trying to control everything. I want to finally know and rest in God's ability to take care of it all.
Here's something beautiful: If we want God, in all these areas and in any way we need Him, we can have Him. But we have to be tired of our usual life.
We have to get to the point where we say, I am sick of me. Not in a self-loathing way, but in a way that says, God, consume my life. It is in this posture of humility where God can change things. It is here that He moves, alters, heals and takes over.
Assuring us with His love while helping us change.
Overwhelming us with His presence.
Consuming us more than our daily lives.
Guiding us into a soul revival.
As only He can, God hears this sick-of-me heart cry and responds in an equally passionate way. Because He is good. Because He wants us to come to the end of ourselves so He can redeem and use our life.
Because it shows Him we want Him, more than anything else. That's what He wants most too.
Heavenly Father, thank You for being worthy of our desire. Help me, in the busyness and craziness of my life, to want You more than anything else. I am needy, and I am tired of my usual life — even a good life is not truly good without You. With Your help, I promise to do whatever it takes to change. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Romans 2:4, "God is kind, but he's not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change." (MSG)
John 3:30, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (ESV)
REFLECT AND RESPOND:
How does the "sick-of-me life" help bring you closer to Jesus?
In what ways are you "sick of you" and ready for God to take over and change things?
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