The One Question That Can Change Everything


Are you listening to your spouse?

Those who honor God will be honored; the same is true with earthly relationships:

And praise him for demonstrating such unfailing love to me by honoring me before the king, his council, and all his mighty princes! I felt encouraged because the gracious hand of the LORD my God was on me. And I gathered some of the leaders of Israel to return with me to Jerusalem. (Ezra 7:28)

Giving honor is better than receiving honor:

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. (Romans 12:10)

"What do you need right now, to feel loved, to know you're number one?"

When you learn to ask this kind of question, the focus of your relationship goes from problem-focused to solution-focused or a positive focus.

When you ask the question, you had better make sure you LISTEN:

  • Look your mate in the eyes
  • Inquire for clarity
  • Search for the meaning - Mark 4:12 "They see what I do, but they don’t perceive its meaning. They hear my words, but they don’t understand. So they will not turn from their sins and be forgiven."
  • Talk in agreement?
  • Engage in solutions
  • Never criticize

You can not listen if you are not humble. Proud is loud!

If we are proud we are loud, and we can't hear the gentle whisper of God, like Elijah:

And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. (1 Kings 19:12-13)

In Middle Eastern countries, it was the slaves who washed the feet of guests; here Christ took the place of a slave. He makes this clear to His disciples: if their Lord and Teacher has washed their feet, then they should wash one another's feet, that is, serve each other in humility. This must have been a striking rebuke to the Twelve, for just that evening they had been debating who was to be the greatest!

Luke 22:24-26

And they began to argue among themselves as to who would be the greatest in the coming Kingdom. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men order their people around, and yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you, those who are the greatest should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant.

Listening allows us to learn from our spouse. Talking too much can indicate that our ideas are better than our spouse's.

James 1:19-20

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight.

When we truly LISTEN, it is always followed by action.

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