The Mother Load


Moms, we should never build the stability of our identity on the fragility of our kids’ choices. Embrace the process, and learn from it. Allow God to speak to you throughout the journey.

We moms should never build the stability of our identity on the fragility of our kids’ choices.

Let me say it again just so this crucial truth can sink in a little deeper. I’m repeating it for no other reason, sweet sister, than the fact I need this message. So, forgive me if this post preaches a message only to myself.

We moms should never build the stability of our identity on the fragility of our kids’ choices.

I’ve got 5 amazing kids. I really do. They are wildly funny, imaginative, moody, opinionated, strong, weak, happy, sad, good, and sometimes not-so-good. In other words, they’re pretty normal.  And while I’ve done everything in my power to raise them to turn out amazingly awesome - and they very well might turn out amazingly awesome - there aren’t any guarantees. 

Sometimes bad parents raise terrific kids.

And sometimes terrific parents raise kids that chase bad things their whole lives.

So, what’s a mama to do?

Embrace the process. Learn from the process. Let God speak to us during the process. And see the process of raising kids as an on-going opportunity to invest beyond ourselves. 

We get to love our kids like crazy. Pray for them faithfully. Talk to them regularly.  Listen to them tenderly. Model honesty and integrity. And point them to Jesus at every turn. 

We get to do all that. 

And tucked within these privileges is the reward. As long as I look for the reward within the process, I won’t misplace my expectations. I have to rest in the assurance that God sees everything I invest in these kids. 

And He will use every step of this process for good. Good for me. And somehow good for them. It will be good. But this process won’t always make me feel good or look good.

If I always expect my kids to make me feel good or look good, I am setting us all up for failure. My kids were never meant to carry the weight of a mama’s need for validation. I can’t let their failures send me to bed. And I can’t wear their successes like mommy medals of honor.

Motherhood is tough you know?

It really is.

However, it’s also our only opportunity to reach into the generations to come and make a difference. So, an imperfect but wonderful difference I will make.

Like Nelson Mandela once expressed, “I am not a saint, unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying.”

Isn’t that a great description of all us mamas? 

Tell you what, you make a point to reach out and encourage a fellow mom today and so will I. And in doing so, maybe we’ll all help to lighten the mother load.

Written by Lysa Terkeurst

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