The Jesus Standard
Check out this recent blog comment:
I spotted this, so I thought I'd throw in a guy's perspective. I agree that guys should be the ones to initiate a relationship, do the asking, the leading from the start. Girls throwing themselves at guys is off-putting, so it's good that it's been pointed out that this isn't a good thing to do. However, I believe that too many females have Jesus in their minds as a model for whom they should date. This will raise eyebrows, however, so let me explain. A date is just that—a date, seeing if we can get to know each other, etc., with the view of it leading to marriage. It is NOT an actual proposal. Christian females should at least be open to going out with guys who ask them out. They wouldn't do it if there was no good reason—they thought the two of you got along, had things in common, you were both single, etc. Relationships have to start somewhere. Also, Christian guys aren't and cannot be Jesus. We will at best be an imitation of Him. Christians are supposed to lead lives like Jesus. We won't ever be perfect, so give us a break and accept our imperfections, i.e. don't aim to date the actual Christ—give those who want to model their lives on Him and lead someone else in this walk a chance. I'll probably be lynched for this...oh, well. I'll take one for the guys.
Aren't you proud of this guy for sharing his heart on a website chocked full of girl readers and writers? Brave boy! I didn't call this guy out to bash him. I pulled out his comment because I think he makes some really important points. Specifically, there's only one Jesus.
For years, those of us who seek to speak truth into the lives of young women have been pushing you to wait for the guy that God has designed for you. There's nothing wrong with that. If you read this blog very often, you know that surrendering your love life to God's standards is a drum I beat often. But I fear we may have swung the pendulum a little too far. I worry we may have pushed you to wait for a fella who isn't coming.
The bottom line is, there is no perfect man. There is no guy who is able to "complete you" or meet all of your needs. What's more, none of us have serving Jesus all figured out. We're all still sinners, working to be more like Him, but bound to struggle some along the way. If you're waiting for a guy who is without sin, communicates perfectly, and has his faith all figured out, it's going to be a long wait.
Why does it matter if young women have their sights set on flawlessness? I think this issue has the potential to grow into something bigger once you say, "I do." Specifically, I don't want you to hold your husbands up to a standard they can never reach.
Sadly, marital dissatisfaction even among Christian women is pretty common. Sometimes that's because women married a non-Christian or "awakened love" prematurely and struggle with the consequences of pursuing romance outside of God's timing. But other times, I talk with women who are married to great, Christian guys who are doing everything they can to be good husbands and fathers, and yet their wives wish they could be more. They want their husbands to fulfill every need and desire of their hearts. When it doesn't happen, because that is Jesus' role, they become disillusioned, harsh, or critical.
If you're holding out for the "perfect man," you are destined to be disappointed when your husband struggles with questions about his faith, wrestles with patterns of sin, or leaves his dirty socks on the living room floor.
I'm not telling you to lower your standards when it comes to whom you date. I am reminding you that Jesus is the only one who can meet all of your needs and that the guys around you are still being sanctified just like you. Our imperfections are a constant reminder of why we need a Savior.
Do a heart check right now. Are you looking for the perfect guy? Are you waiting because you're motivated to surrender to God's timing or because you're looking for a guy to fill Jesus' shoes in your life? Do you have a critical spirit toward the Christian brothers around you who are doing their best to serve Jesus but destined to stumble from time to time?
I love how the commenter above put it: "Christian guys aren't and cannot be Jesus. We will at best be an imitation of Him. Christians are supposed to lead lives like Jesus. We won't ever be perfect, so give us a break and accept our imperfections."
There is only one Jesus. He's the only one able to live a perfect life and to satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.
Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation (Psalm 146:3).