The Intimacy of Romance


Keeping romance alive or rekindling it is essential for intimacy and abundance in marriage.

I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go. Song of Solomon 3:4, NASB

"I don't feel anything at all. I just feel numb." Ken and Donna's romance was gone, and mere existence had replaced it long ago. It was a rough journey with their mentor couple, but old wounds were opened up and the painful healing process began. Serious childhood traumas needed attention, but Ken and Donna persevered until, little by little, hope returned.

Keeping romance alive or rekindling it is essential for intimacy and abundance in marriage. At the appropriate time in their marriage journey, we encourage couples to reflect and talk about romance. This helps open up needed areas of vul­nerability. We suggest that couples reminisce about their courtship and talk about their first date and early romance. We ask couples to think about the silly, fun times they had together. We encourage them to remember their favorite songs, dancing together, and their honeymoon fun. We even sug­gest that couples ask one another this question: "From your point of view, how could we improve our marriage romance?"

We encouraged Ken to slip a love note in Donna's purse or shop for a personal gift for her. We suggested that he surprise her with flowers or a picnic for the two of them. We encouraged Donna to take the lead in verbalizing love and giving compliments. We asked her to be the first to express affection, to initiate fun activities, and to plan a candlelit dinner at home alone.

As Ken and Donna diligently put old things behind them and pressed on together, they enjoyed new intimacy.

What act of romance can you do today to help keep the romance alive—or rekindle it—in your marriage?

Thank You, Father, for romantic love. Help me to be sensitive to my spouse's desires for more romance.


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