Submission, Silence and Stupidity
In marriage, submission is not a mindless concession. Healthy submission asks questions, but it does not demean or question the authority of the husband. Allow me to explain... You can be submissive and question the wisdom of a choice, but it is not submissive to undermine the right of your husband to lead.
This is a messy subject, often mishandled by the church. The man is not to dominate but to serve his wife through his leadership. The wife is not to make it difficult for her husband to lead but to lend her insight, strength, and support to him so he can lead even more effectively.
Submission is not enabling bad habits and unhealthy interaction. Submission is using your position wisely to bring out the best in your husband. You are not bringing out the best in your mate if you allow him to speak dishonorably to you. You can say something to the effect of “Honey, I want to work through this with you, but I can’t allow you to talk to me this way. So let’s take a break and cool off and then we can reconvene later.”
Wives can disagree and still be submissive. You are not to put your brain on “pause.” I am tired of hearing of wives who knew their husbands were in blatant disobedience to the Word of God or the laws of the land and yet they remained silent because they were “submissive.” That is not submission, that is being party to your husband’s destruction.
You should never be silent when you see violations of truth, but offer your input in a way that it can be heard. It is all about the approach. You want to be heard? Say it the way you would want to hear it yourself. Incorporate love and respect and make an appeal to his godliness and the true heart of the matter.
Submission and honor are intimately intertwined. Dishonor is our cultural norm. It is quite possible that if there is not a dramatic shift in the concept of honor between men and women, it may be lost completely if the older women do not teach and train the younger.
John cannot even hear what I am saying if he feels he is being dishonored. I may have a valid point but it will be utterly lost in translation. Submission has the attitude, I am for you, I am for us, I want to work with you, not undermine you.
The opposite of submission is resistance, which means to work against someone or to adopt an opposing stance. A wife who is resistant and resentful causes her house to be divided. When we have homes that are unified in purpose, everyone within flourishes.
(The excerpt above is from Nurture, Give & Get What You Need to Flourish, Faith Words)