Secrets and Shame


Once we choose to lie or to deceive to protect ourselves, we almost always have to cover one lie with another. And eventually, our lies destroy both physically and spiritually intimacy in marriage.

In 2 Corinthians 4:2-7 Paul refers to secrets as “hidden things of shame.”  In those scriptures he instructs us to renounce them, which means to disown, put aside or put off.

The devil’s scheme is quite the opposite.  He never misses an opportunity to points out your flaws and then keep you focused on them.  If he succeeds you becomeself-conscious, then ashamed and then fearful of rejection.

When the fear of rejection through shame is strong enough, we will do all that we can to hide our imperfections.  Faced with exposure, the defense mechanisms kick in to cover the lie.  Common tactics included striking out in anger, criticizing, humor and joking, closing up or withdrawing.

Once we choose to lie or deceive to protect self, we almost always have to cover that lie with another.  It’s the beginning of what Paul calls a lifestyle of deceit and craftiness.  And it will eventually destroy both physically and spiritually intimacy in marriage.

Worst of all, it can lead to self-justification through scripture.  This means that in our shame and deceit we allow ourselves to interpret scripture in a way that will justify our lifestyle rather than allowing the scripture to determine and correct our lifestyle.

So, how do we defeat the enemy’s scheme?  We humble ourselves and repent, not only to the Lord but to the one we’ve deceived.  It’s not easy on the flesh, but it’s like a healing ointment to the soul and heart and the results are awesome.


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