Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal


How can you regain the confidence of your spouse following a loss of trust?

One of the things I have found with people who have broken the trust of their spouse is that they often do not want to do the work to repair the broken trust.  They sort of take this position that they have apologized (or been caught) and so why hasn’t their spouse stopped harping on the issue.

Let me be perfectly clear, and this may sound blunt, but be careful not to rush the healing process.  Many times the perp (person who did the hurting) wants to move on quickly because he feels bad for what he did.  This is not a good reason to rush healing.

The best thing you can do is simply ask the question, “What do you need from me to repair what I’ve done?”  Then do specifically what your spouse asks.  If the request feels unhealthy or wrong, then get a third party to evaluate the request and move forward from there.

Trust is something we take for granted.

Trust is an invaluable commodity in a relationship. When you have it, you rest easily. When you lose it, you lie awake and wonder. You spin endless tales in your mind, hoping beyond hope none of them are true. You torture yourself with possibilities, and wonder if you are making everything up, or worry about the possibility that it really is true - your mate is being unfaithful.

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