Preparing a “Safe Place” for Your Man


God wants us to build up and encourage our husbands, not shame them.

I often find that women, usually unintentionally, have established a home environment where their husband feels “threatened.” Perhaps the husband has never admitted to this, but he may feel he can do nothing right, is unable to please his wife, or has lost all desire to try.

If your man fears criticism, emotional conflict, or a demeaning response from you, his typical reaction will be to slip into "self-preservation mode" which may manifest itself in a number of ways including: isolation, building walls of protection, angry retaliation, or simmering resentment—all of which will destroy your marital unity and intimacy.

If you desire for your husband to communicate with you, to be drawn to you, to connect and spend time with you, I encourage you to cultivate a haven of rest and security for him.

Prepare a “safe place” for your husband through admiration and affirmation.

Admire and Affirm

You may feel as though you currently see nothing to admire, but begin with looking at the basics and being grateful for them. For example, has your husband remained faithful to you? Would he protect you if you were in physical danger? Does he help in providing an income for your family? Does he attempt to be a good father? Is he a good neighbor?

Perhaps none of these are applicable to your situation, but when you married, he had some qualities you admired—try to see glimpses of those same characteristics which may be lying dormant and convey your appreciation for these things.

Affirm him OFTEN!! Husbands have a need for our affirmation. This is at the heart of the "helper" role and why God said it is not "good" for the man to be alone. Your man needs your affirmation! Give at least one encouraging statement (really more than one) daily and watch him come out from hiding!

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is like rottenness in his bones (Prov. 12:4).

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