Not a Parenthesis
Sing to God, sing in praise of His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds; rejoice before Him - His name is the Lord. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, He leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
(Psalm 68:4-6 NIV)
“He’s perfect!” my friend exclaimed and continued, “A couple years ago I made a list of all the character qualities I wanted in a husband and he has every one!”
“So what’s the problem?” I asked. My friend had just graduated from college and her boyfriend was a couple of years behind her in his education, an education that would include traveling to another country for a year.
“Do I accept an opportunity to travel abroad for a six-month mission trip while he is also traveling, or do I wait at home for the brief weekends when we can spend time together? I’m not sure he is committed to me, as I am to him, so I’m fearful about being here for such a long period of time. My heart says stay but I don’t know if that is a productive way to live the next year of my life.”
After discussing all of her options I responded, “Singleness is not a parenthesis – a waiting room until you get married. This season of life is your life. This is God’s plan and you need to soak up every opportunity to serve and fall deeper in love with Jesus. Don’t look at your singleness as a waiting room. Look at it as a unique time to experience life in a way you can’t if you’re married.”
My friend accepted the short-term mission call and married her boyfriend two years later. She said the Lord used that time in a foreign country to help prepare her for the life she would share with her military husband.
Another young friend described a relationship she thought was God’s answer to the desires of her heart. Instead, when her boyfriend broke up with her she concluded the breakup was her fault, and God didn’t think she was ready for the man of her dreams. So she spent much of her time learning homemaking skills to “become the perfect woman for her perfect man”. I challenged her with a different purpose: “This season is not a parenthesis where you are just waiting for something to happen. This is your life right now. Instead of preparing for a man you may never meet, spend this time falling deeper in love with Jesus and discover the sufficiency of Him as your completer. Such intimacy will not only sustain you in this season of life but also for whatever God’s future plans are for you. Choose to see this break up as God’s protection for both of you and a new beginning that opens up new opportunities.”
This friend struggled to accept this challenge. We connected a few years later and she lamented she had wasted time waiting for the perfect man instead of seeing adventure and opportunities in the challenges of her daily life.
Anna chose life. She did not see her widowhood as a parenthesis, i.e. a waiting room until something better happened. When the dark clouds of death invaded her life, she saw that God made those clouds His chariot. What looked fearsome to Anna, God used as a vehicle to make His presence known to her.
What are you waiting for before you choose to fully live your life?
- For children to grow up
- For children to be potty trained
- For a mother or father to change
- For the loneliness to go away – for people to go away!
- For better health
- For grief to subside
- For the right boy to like you
- For leaving home and going to college
- For depression to lift
- For friends to include you
- For broken relationships to be redeemed
- For Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet
- For your spouse to love you the way you want to be loved
What are you doing as you wait? Are you just marking time until something better happens? We can’t always avoid those places, but we can decide how we live life during these waiting periods. Instead of just waiting, start giving it your all, in order to experience intimacy with Jesus. Be intentional about seeing this as a time to build strong disciplines into your life that will act as weight bearing walls of grace, when life comes crumbling down. Look for a way to serve others instead of waiting for others to serve you. God makes the dark clouds His chariots. What a picture! When circumstances shove you into a waiting room, look for the Lord triumphantly rushing toward you in those dark clouds.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sharon W. Betters is author of Treasures of Encouragement, Treasures in Darkness and co-author of Treasures of Faith. She is Director of Resource Development and co-founder of MARKINC.org, a nonprofit organization that offers help and hope to hurting people. Sharon enjoys quality time with her husband, children and fourteen grandchildren.