Not a BRIDEzilla but an AUTHORzilla
Y’all, I’m an animal.
What do you get when you combine a perfectionist, with a marketing girl, with an achiever, with a first-time author???
Not a BRIDEzilla…but an AUTHORzilla.
I’ve officially lost it.
I was mean to my mom. I sent a snippy email to my friend Crystal. I can’t even count the exchanges, miscommunication and frustrations between myself and the publisher.
If you are a bride-to-be, momma-to-be, author-to-be… any that has the main stage coming your way, can you learn from me for just a sec? Maybe you aren’t as crazy as me and you’ve figured this out already.
When I was a bride, my precious mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer and suddenly the flowers that were making me stay up at night were worthless. I wanted that woman on the front row so badly. Nothing else mattered. Perspective is such a gift.
She made it. And it was the sweetest wedding day ever. The cutest favors EVER – went off my list and we rolled up little scrolls that said “in lieu of favors, we are honored to make a donation to Susan B Komen.” I was able to think less of myself and actually find Ron’s eyes as I walked the aisle and thank my parents on that day. And leave notes for the moms on their seats.
Thinking less of myself on my wedding was an unexpected gift breast cancer brought to our wedding. By keeping my eyes focused on the most important things in life, I didn’t let the little things consume me.
The first time I had a baby, it was pretty consuming and scary and I didn’t really think much about others. The second time, I was able to pull up a bit and think more about my mom and his mom and how to make it more of a special day for them. Include them quicker.
Perspective is such a gift.
I like ME better when I’m not so selfish. So self-absorbed. So demanding that the world watch, wait, serve – me.
Now, here we are – book time. I spy an AUTHOR-ZILLA.
And it’s starting to choke me –the self-absorption. I think this one is rooted in fear. Thinking I must control every outcome and every detail of the “plan” to make this book reach as many moms as possible. God breathed the project here, so I better trust him to get the job done. Amen?
I know He is capable, but I am a doer. I like to do my part and I love to be busy. I feel so awkward in silence and rest. And heaven forbid when something goes wrong or off schedule – it just sends me for a loop. And then I regret my reaction. Because it is NOT in line with who I want to be.
So, the details aren’t important – the silly things that are going wrong and off schedule. The important thing is how I will respond. Will I take notice from this point and stop pouncing? Actually trust that God has this? Will I let these things (that aren’t that big of a deal) just roll because it’s just a book? And life is about so much more?
I heard this whisper over and over again yesterday. I GOT THIS.
And wouldn’t you know cancer makes its way into my life again for perspective?
My dear Bobbie, my agent’s wife. Hospice has been called.
My problems are not problems. Robert is preparing to say goodbye to his wife. And my friends are saying goodbye to their mom. I want to honor her. Her last words to me this month: “It’s just a book, your life’s work is your family.”
Lord, please refine me during this process. Let me make YOU famous. Stop me in my tracks before I send an email or pick up that phone. Do I trust you? Or am I controlling things that just don’t matter? Lord, let me use this launch as a time to honor and include so many special people. Let me keep the parents and kids that will get this in my heart and prayers.
I pray that my day is filled with encouragement for others – not nit-picky complaints. My success is not in numbers. It’s in how I love. How I trust. How I glorify you behind closed doors. Let me keep my family as my life’s best work. It’s just a book. I love you. I am grateful.
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