Non-Speed Dating For Dummies: Are You Busy At Home?


Do you devalue the idea of marriage and motherhood? Or do you see busyness in the home as a rewarding and fulfilling experience?

When Nancy Leigh DeMoss and I wrote “Lies Young Women Believe," we sent Erin Davis  around the nation to uncover the top twenty-five lies young women believe. One of them was that “having a career outside the home is more fulfilling than being a wife and mom.” Sad lie, but it’s been fueled for years by the most radical of feminists. At what cost?

Rebecca Walker, daughter of an iconic feminist, once wrote about how her mother’s devaluing of marriage and motherhood tore her family apart.

“You see, my mum taught me that children enslave women. I grew up believing that children are millstones around your neck, and the idea that motherhood can make you blissfully happy is a complete fairy tale,” wrote Walker in 2008.

Walker found that having a baby–which she delayed until she was almost forty due to the indoctrination of her mother—is a tremendous experience.

“…having a child has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Far from ‘enslaving’ me, [my son] Tenzin has opened my world. My only regret is that I discovered the joys of motherhood so late – I have been trying for a second child for two years, but so far with no luck. I was raised to believe that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle. But I strongly feel children need two parents and the thought of raising Tenzin without my partner, Glen, 52, would be terrifying.”

Marriage and motherhood are not roles to take lightly. You cannot selfishly choose to enter into them, and then one day decide they are confining or unfulfilling. It’s not just your own life you are disrupting. When you choose to be married or to have children, you must consider it with great care and the weight of the lifetime commitment that it is. It is possible that God will call you to be single and that your purpose in life will not include a family, but everyone needs to practice the heart of caring for those in their circle of influence. For that reason, I believe that it’s worthwhile to practice being busy at home. (This doesn’t mean you’ll love everything about homemaking. I’m a woman who so does not love grocery shopping. It’s such a been-there-done-that monotonous job!) But I LOVE being at home.

In your younger years you can embrace the love of family by helping a younger sibling study or encouraging your mom by making dinner one night. You might mow the lawn for your dad or invite friends to hang out in your family room. These are simply acts of preparing your heart for the future.

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