My Idea of Security


What do you need from your spouse today to feel more secure? How will you communicate your needs to him or to her?

Shall I not seek security for you? Ruth 3:1, NASB

My (Teresa's) feelings of security do not come from David's installing bur­glar alarms, putting better locks on the doors, or doing other things to keep me from bodily harm. To me, security comes when David makes sure the lights are off, the alarm is set, and the locks are locked at night. Security to me is more related to his thinking of me.

For many years I tended to associate security with the things my dad did for us when I was a child. David and I went through a lot of conflict over this issue. I caused David a lot of pain because I expected him to meet my security needs by doing the things Dad did. Dad could install locks, fix anything that broke, and do preventative maintenance on every imaginable household item. But David, by his own admission, lacks mechanical "genes": For example, he once tried to change the car's oil but ended up draining the transmission.

David took my insistence that security meant him doing all the mechanical things as criticism, as my seeing him as inadequate. Only as the Lord took us into a deeper understanding of one another and of what security truly is could I see where I had been wrong and begin to change my expectations. I realized that I can't expect David to be my dad. I need to sense that he wants to give me security.

From time to time I need to let David know what he can do to help me feel more secure. Most of the time it's just "being with me" in some emotional way. I can't expect him to know everything I need. Only when I express my needs can he fulfill them.

What can you do today to communicate to your spouse what you need to feel more secure?

Father, my security must be in You first, and then I’ll trust You to involve my spouse as You may desire.

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