My Grief is Almost Killing Me
“And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed. And He said to them, My soul is exceedingly sad (overwhelmed with grief) so that it almost kills Me! Remain here and keep awake and be watching.” (Mark 14:33-34, AMP)
Here, we see the humanness of Jesus in contrast to the powerful, miracle working Son of God Who came to walk the earth. We see the man who is, “struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed.” A man overwhelmed with such intense terror, grief and sadness that He says, “… it almost kills Me!” My mind goes numb with the full realization of the level of emotional and spiritual agony Jesus experienced in the Garden of Gethsemane and the indescribable pain that He endured as He was scourged and crucified.
As I read this passage, I am reminded of a period in my own life where my depression and sadness was so intense that I thought I might die. In fact, many days I thought of suicide and longed for death as an escape. I can’t help but wonder how anyone can read this passage and think, “Jesus does not understand what I am going through?” Reading on in Mark we find that Jesus must have felt abandoned by Peter, James and John in the Garden. Three times He asked them to stay awake, keep watch and pray; yet each time He returned and found them asleep. What intense disappointment and hurt He must have felt. Yet, we see Jesus rise above His emotions to face His ultimate betrayal by Judas, torture and crucifixion with courage and trust in God. He was resolved to fulfill His divine destiny as Christ, The Messiah.
Child of God, the next time you’re feeling depressed and sad, believing that the pain is just too much to bear, I encourage you to remember Jesus. Remember Jesus knows suffering and pain. He knows how it feels to stare death in the face. Cry out to Him and trust Him to lift you up, pour out His love and grace. He will help you walk into your divine destiny!
Lord, thank you for showing me the human side of Jesus. Jesus, you overcame abandonment, feelings of sadness, grief, and depression and refused to give up or quit. Jesus, in you I have strength and courage to walk out my divine destiny. Through the blood of Jesus and in the name of Jesus I pray, amen
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