Marriage Tip: Seriously, You Have No Excuses!


The path to a healthy relationship has a surprisingly simple beginning.

Did you know research shows that one of the most powerful things you can do to immediately impact the overall satisfaction of your marriage is to simply go out on a date? It is true, and I know what you’re thinking, “Oh come on, this tip is a little on the shallow side.” You think to have a happy marriage you have to learn how to communicate, forgive often, complete trusting exercises like falling backwards in to your spouse’s arms, and more! These are all good things, but just going out on a date and having fun together is just as powerful, if not more powerful!

When is the last time you and your mate went on a date (rhyming done purposefully)?  I bet the longer you have to go back and think about the last time you two went out the less satisfied you are compared to a couple who frequently go out on dates. Gottman shows this in his research and others are discovering this as well (including my own brother).

So what is keeping you from going out on a date? The excuses I’ve hear throughout the years are like, “We don’t have enough time.” “Our kids take up too much energy.” “We don’t have fun together because we always get in to a major discussion when we do get time alone.” Hogwash! There is no excuse good enough to keep you from at least two date nights a month (preferably 4 dates a month). Do not give me sob stories of how busy you are in life, change your schedule. You are in charge of where and how you spend your time. If your kids are involved in too many activities, then cut them back from a few of them. What a great lesson to teach your kids. A balanced schedule equals a balanced life.

If you get in to conflict every time you go out together, then stop doing that! Date nights or fun times together should be kept sacred from conflict. Do not wait to share things with each other until you get alone time while on a date. It is a horrible idea to try and resolve conflict during fun time, because trying to resolve conflict during fun time ruins the fun time. Agree with each other that you will not discuss any major things (negative things) while out on a date. My wife and I do this very agreement with each other every time we go out on a date. We even shake hands in agreement that we will not have conflict.

My last bit of advice for this tip is to schedule time together. If you do not get a date night on your calendar on a regular day, it will not happen. You must be purposeful with the important things in life, and this is one of them.


What do you do for fun together? Just to clarify, I’m not talking about spending lots of money each date night having dinner and going to a movie. Date nights can also consist of hanging out at home and doing something purposeful together. 

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