Ladies, When You Should Break Up With Him

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Stepping back and being able to objectively think about the dating relationship can save you a lot of heartache and trouble down the road.

“Ladies, imagine your future sons turning out like your boyfriend. If that thought makes you cringe you should probably break up.”

So I tweeted that a few days ago and it got more retweets and comments than I think I’ve ever gotten on any tweet. It got me thinking. Why did it strike such a nerve? In reality, let’s be sure the principle goes both ways. But I’m mainly speaking from a guy’s perspective, because well, I’m a guy. Sometimes when two people are dating there is this blurry blindness of love that doesn’t allow you to really think critically about the relationship or the goal of it going forward. If you don’t have a trajectory or a vision for a relationship I doubt a beautiful, flourishing one, will just fall in your lap 5, 10, 50 years from now. It takes work. It takes ordinary faithfulness added up moment by moment, to get an awesome relationship. Stepping back and being able to objectively think about the dating relationship can save a lot of heartache and trouble down the road.

I know it’s a weird thought, but ladies, if there are things in your boyfriend that you would cringe over if it was your child, that is a pretty significant problem don’t ya think? The truth of the matter too, is that most of us are on our best behavior when in a dating relationship. We are able to hide, to put our best foot forward, and to crop and edit ourselves to perfection. So if something makes you cringe in a dating relationship it will most likely be amplified if married. Hear me say this–I’m not talking about ordinary weakness. We all have that, and the beauty of marriage is the spouse sees everything you are (weakness and all) and says I still want you. That’s covenantal love.

But ladies…

If you see huge patterns of demeaning words, lack of love and encouragement, no drive for life or work, longstanding addiction to porn that he’s not addressing, well then...

you should probably break up.

*side note: the opposite is also true for great relationships. If you can picture your future kids turning out like your boyfriend or girlfriend, and you love that thought, then that folks is probably a keeper.

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