Involving All Five Senses


What can you do with your spouse to increase or enhance your expression of gentleness during times of sexual intimacy?

My beloved extended his hand . . . and my feelings were aroused for him. Song of Solomon 5:4, NASB

Christine and Larry came to us for help in dealing with sexual intimacy. Christine characterized Larry's foreplay as "mauling" and sex as intolerably rough. The roots of Larry's behavior were common: He often felt sexually inadequate, and when he wasn't sure what to do, his anxiety came out in increased roughness.

We first worked with Larry and Christine on emotional oneness. We encouraged Christine to share her desires with Larry—gently and with¬out criticism—and to reaffirm her desire to share intimate times with him and to celebrate their love. We encouraged Larry to hear Christine's desires so that he could get to know her even more intimately. We cautioned him against assuming he knew Christine's desires and against trying to read her mind.

In talking with Christine and Larry, we sought to add more gentleness to their sexual intimacy by informing them that sexual closeness is often enhanced as more of the five senses are involved.

We encouraged Larry and Christine to involve their sense of sight through soft lighting, intimate sleepwear, and through undressing each other. We encouraged them to increase touch through body massage, bubble baths, sleepwear fabrics, and satin sheets. We let them know that they could be creative with the sense of taste with soft kisses, fruit drinks, and body lotions. We suggested they stimulate hearing with pleasant music, sound tracks of nature sounds, and soft whispers to each other. Finally, we encouraged Larry and Christine to enhance their sense of smell with scented candles, perfumed bath oils and powders, colognes, and perfume.

This couple also found it helpful to take turns initiating and leading in their times of physical intimacy—each experimenting with involving all five senses.

What can you do with your spouse to increase or enhance your expression of gentleness during times of sexual intimacy?

Lord, thank You for Your divine purposes in sexual intimacy.
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