Intimacy or Interruption?
You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32, NIV
Sherry and Mark came to one of our conferences for some marriage enrichment. They were very articulate and intelligent people. They asked to see David and me after the conference for some private consultation.
Sherry started by saying that she had heard we had "fixed" other husbands, and hers needed it badly. As we began to explore with Mark, he was barely able to offer an opening sentence before Sherry interrupted him. We attempted to ask Mark how it felt to have his wife interrupt him, but she interrupted again.
After a few minutes of negotiations and guidelines for our discussion, Sherry got her chance to talk about her feelings. She expressed feeling alone in their marriage much of the time.
She said that when she came to Mark with her deepest feelings, he was either too busy or too tired to listen to her. She needed his attention and comfort, and he wasn't giving it.
We discussed how the word intimacy comes from the root word innermost and relates to a vulnerable sharing of one's inner thoughts, feelings, and self. We suggested that both Sherry and Mark needed to feel secure in this kind of sharing, confident that they would find support in one another through listening, empathy, and reassurance.
We identified hurts between Sherry and Mark and helped them through their confession and forgiveness. Sherry became free to listen, and Mark became free to respond with warmth and interest.
Sherry and Mark are like many of us. We may be the most articulate, intelligent people in the world, but without a heart that is submissive to God and to one another, we will never enjoy deep marital intimacy.
What steps can you take today to bring into your marriage the security it takes to enjoy true intimacy?
Father, show me how You want my heart to change so my marriage can become more intimate.
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