My life used to be business casual and morning meetings. I balanced budgets and kept the boss’ calendar. It was a great job that came with a great salary and lots of perks. My peeps and I would gather around the coffee pot at 8:00 a.m. and discuss the latest happenings on Survivor. Life was good. Yet, I was not satisfied.
I desperately wanted to be home with my babies. It was a desire that consumed most of my thoughts. I was convinced that everything would be better if I could just have that one thing. And that one thing? It became an idol in my heart.
Imagine my absolute delight when, after a decade of prayer, God opened a door for me to stay home. Suddenly, I was doing carpool and having play dates. I was baking cookies and staying in my pajamas on rainy mornings. I had my heart’s desire.
There is something about an idol, though. An idol lies and it never satisfies. I had focused on this one desire for so long. So, now what?
My life became comfy clothes and cartoons. My work peeps were gathering around coffee pots without me. I no longer was watching Survivor and no one was really interested in the latest adventures of Dora the Explorer. I had what I wanted and life was good. Yet, I was not satisfied.
I found myself holding the golden calf only to discover that it was a lie.
Anxiety began to set in. I couldn’t admit to anyone that I was not content. As much as I had cried over my desire to stay home, anything less than over the moon giddiness would make me look foolish. Sadly, I wasn’t feeling anywhere near giddy.
There was a time in my life when I would sleep with my Bible under my pillow. I was so in love with Jesus and I just could not get enough. Sometimes, I would wake up in the middle of the night just to read a verse or two. I would write my own Bible studies and was constantly memorizing Scripture.
Christ was all I wanted and I was satisfied.
Somewhere along the way, “all I wanted” became Christ AND…
All I want is Christ and a boyfriend.
All I want is Christ and a good job.
All I want is Christ and an engagement ring.
All I want is Christ and a baby.
All I want is Christ and to be a stay-at-home mom.
All I want…
But I have this against you: You have abandoned the love you had at first. - Revelation 2:4
I didn’t realize it but I was slowly abandoning my first love. An idol doesn’t kidnap you and drag you away. It lures, little by little. Before I knew it, I was a million miles away from the college girl with the Bible under her pillow.
Here’s the good news, though. Christ never abandons us. We can stop chasing the idols. We can return to our first love. He always wants us back.
Whatever it is that your heart longs for, if it isn’t Christ, it isn’t enough. An idol will promise satisfaction that it cannot deliver. An idol will lure you away one lie at time.
Only Christ, my friends. Only Christ.
Written by Stacy Edwards
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