I Was One Miserable Wife


Kimberly Wagner shares how she went from being miserable in marriage, to being undone, to writing a book on marriage.

Almost fifteen years ago I was one miserable wife. If it weren’t for my commitment to Christ and my fear of bringing shame to the gospel, I would’ve called it quits.

One weekend I went off to a cabin to get away. I needed to think. I left home convinced my husband was the problem in our relationship, but God was getting ready to open my eyes to my own heart.

Shortly after settling in, I opened my Bible and discovered a little booklet written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The diagnostic questions interspersed with snippets of Scripture cut through my hardened heart. Questions like:

  • In the way I talk to and about men, do I show their God-created worth and value?
  • Do I make it easy for men to fulfill their God-given calling to lead in the home, the church, and the society?
  • Do I respond to men in ways that communicate appropriate respect and affirmation of their manhood?
  • Do others see in me an inner radiance and beauty that are the result of a grateful, yielded, trusting spirit?
  • Do I bless my family, friends, and acquaintances by speaking words that are kind and wise?
  • Do I seek to influence others by means of gentle words, rather than controlling or intimidating them with harsh words? 
  • Do I receive instruction with a meek, obedient spirit?
  • Do I motivate my husband to grow spiritually?

Wow, was I nailed. 

As I slowly worked my way through the questions and Scripture, I saw how far I was from the beauty described in the verses I was reading. The verses weren’t new to me—I’d taught through many of these passages. But when I carefully held up the truth of the Word like a mirror and asked these questions honestly of myself, my hardened exterior began splintering. God was introducing me to a season of brokenness unlike anything I’d ever experienced.

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