Romantic relationships can be wonderful, but there's a problem if we look to another person for fulfillment.
Almost 70 percent of the girls we interviewed for the book Lies Young Women Believe told us that they feel better about themselves when they have a boyfriend/attention from a boy. They were honest about the fact that even if they'd made a commitment not to date or had never had a boyfriend, the drive for male attention was a huge issue in their lives.
Can you relate?
This certainly is a commonly believed lie among the young women I know. And it is dangerous indeed. And as Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Dannah Gresh point out in Lies Young Women Believe, it is a lie that has the potential to grow into something even bigger.
Anytime we look for fulfillment or happiness in anyone or anything other than God, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. And this one grows into something bigger if you don't destroy it: "I have to have a husband to make me happy." We've got to face this head-on, before it becomes something even more dangerous" (Lies Young Women Believe, p. 86).
Let’s do just that. Let's hit this lie head-on with a serious dose of truth.
Truth #1—God did not design marriage to make you happy but to glorify Himself.
Ephesians 5:31–32 says, "‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church."
When you look to a relationship with a guy to make you happy, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If you are using dating (and marriage in the future) as a means to validate your worth, the consequences will be even more severe.
Truth #2—God does not want you to "awaken love" until the time is right.
The Song of Solomon repeats the same warning three times. In verses 2:7, 3:5, and 8:4 we are warned not to awaken love before it's time. I think the fact that this warning is repeated over and over should cause our spirits to perk up and take notice. This is a serious warning, and failure to adhere to it has disastrous consequences.
Nancy and Dannah help us understand why the stakes are so high:
God has good reasons for instructing us not to awaken love prematurely. Being in relationships with guys early often leads to sexual sin. Research tells us that girls who have boyfriends by seventh grade are among those most likely to be sexually active in their high school years. Further, being in a relationship with a guy six months or longer is one of the top five factors that leads to early sexual activity in teenagers. As your heart becomes entwined in a relationship, you'll have a hard time sticking to your standards of purity (Lies Young Women Believe, p. 88).
Truth #3—You have great value, whether or not the guys around you recognize it.
Jeremiah 31:3 tells us, "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'”
No fella can ever offer you a promise so romantic! God has loved you with an everlasting love. He proves that love by seeking to draw you near to Him with loving kindness.
Whether or not the guys around you see your value or confirm your worth or beauty, God does. Building your sense of worth on attention from guys is like building your house on a sandy foundation. Instead, why not build it on the rock of God's everlasting love for you?