I Need a Boyfriend: The Lies


Waiting for the right guy might feel unrealistic if you rely on your own strength, but that's when God really flexes His muscles.

Most girls can identify with the feeling that they would feel better about themselves if they had attention from a guy (68 percent of the girls we interviewed agreed with this statement). This is the feeling that usually goes along with craving a boyfriend; it's the sense that you could somehow matter more if a guy went gaga for you.

But the feeling that you must have a boyfriend or at least attention from a guy isn't the whole problem. In fact, think of those feelings like the part of a plant that is visible above the surface. You can cut that plant down, but eventually it will spring back up.

Unless you do something about the plant's roots.

What are the root lies that make us believe that attention from guys gives us value? Here are three possibilities:

Lie #1: God is not enough.

Feeling like you need a boyfriend is in many ways the same as feeling like you need to be thin, need to get straight A's, or need to be popular in order to be happy. In fact, anything that you feel like you need to have in order to feel okay about yourself undermines the truth that God is able to satisfy you. Through His Word, He has already said that you matter very, very much, regardless of whether or not others see it.

Psalm 37:4 says, Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

It's okay to crave the kind of romantic relationship that can move toward marriage someday. But the key is not to delight yourself in that relationship or in every guy who might make a potential mate. Instead, delight yourself in the Lord, trust Him to provide the right guy at the right time, and trust that He can meet the deepest desires of your heart.

If you wrestle with feeling like you need a boyfriend in order to be happy, ask God to satisfy the longings of your heart. Trust Him to be enough.

Lie #2: Marriage is to make me happy.

Feeling like you need a boyfriend now will evolve into feeling like you need a husband a few years down the road. That feeling will evolve into feeling like it's your husband's job to make you happy after you say, "I do."

That's why it is so important to yank this root lie out of your heart now.

According to Scripture, God's primary purpose for marriage is not to make people happy, but to glorify Himself.

Ephesians 5:25–32 says:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (emphasis added).

God created marriage, in part, to be a picture of Christ's love for the Church. Amazing isn't it? Your future marriage has the potential to be a portrait of the greatest relationship that exists. It's that holy!

This is a mysterious truth, but it also blows out of the water the idea that the role of a husband is to make us happy. Your goal for a romantic relationship should be to put God's glory on display.

Ask yourself if having a boyfriend right now meets that goal.

Lie #3: It is unrealistic to wait.

Several years ago, a prominent therapist was speaking to 1,200 students on the campus of the University of Cincinnati. During a question-and-answer session about sex, a male student asked, "What if I can't wait?"

The doctor announced that waiting was unrealistic and impossible. Her assessment was that sex outside of marriage is inevitable. She echoes the message of our culture, which teaches that raging hormones cannot be controlled.

You may not buy into the lie that sexual purity until marriage is impossible, but you might have sunk your teeth into a version of the same lie. Perhaps you think that waiting to date until you are ready for marriage is impossible or that if you don't take matters into your own hands God may never bring the right guy into your life.

Song of Solomon 2:7 says, I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.

The Message paraphrases this verse this way: Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready.

How will you know if you're ready? You can't always trust your feelings, especially if you feel like you need attention from a boy. You can't trust the culture; it clearly does not value God's standards for romance.

You have to choose to trust God. He formed your heart. He can see your life from beginning to end. He wants to give you good and perfect gifts.

Waiting for the right guy might feel unrealistic in your own strength, but that's when God really flexes His muscles.

Philippians 4:13 says, I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Once you dig up these root lies and replace them with God's truth, you will find that the feeling that you need a boyfriend will loosen its grip on your heart.

In fact, let's start the digging right now. Are there any of the lies in this post that seem to have a grip on you? What can you do today to replace them with God's truth?

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