Hurling Hurts or My Experience of Psalm 23
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understand,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
I wanted to hurl hurts right back! The title of the book, Hurt People, Hurt People by Dr. Sandra Wilson, defined me that afternoon. My hurt morphed to madness. I grabbed the leash of our golden retriever, Lexie (her tail communicating her excitement), my Scripture cards, and stomped out the door. I knew I would hear from God ... and I kind of didn't want to; mad felt right, vindicating even.
The words of our pastor, less than an hour old from the well-known Psalm 23 came back. During church, my pen could hardly keep up with his wisdom. The story I was living was close to the surface--his points provided perspective and encouragement. Breathing came easier as we left church that morning.
The story I sat with in church was quickly tested and came alive as I read my email when we arrived home. The words in the email dredged up hurt emotions and ignited my anger.
Lexie and I started down the forest trails encircling our home with my mind remembering the sermon from just a few hours previous. I desperately needed the Shepherd's rod and staff, the prodding in the right direction, and the pulling me back to truth. God was faithful. These thoughts from the morning message calmed my heart.
"He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake." (verse 3) Even though my path was bumpy, God tells me it is the right path. It is the right path for Him to be glorified. My mind wandered to Psalm 16:11, "You make known to me the path of life;" It is the right path because God will redeem it. As my feet kept moving and my Fitbit kept counting, I confessed to not understanding but trusting that this somehow was a life-path.
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;" (verse 4, underlines mine). The email was a kind of death for me, the death of a dream, a huge shadow on the beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon. God whispered, Sue, I'm in this valley with you. I get how important that dream was for you. I will keep my arms wrapped around you. Will you hear my love? Yes, Lord.
The words from the morning ended with this admonition, It is right for us to steward our emotions (my very raw emotions), but we also need to tell ourselves the truth. Steward my emotions AND tell myself the truth. That made all the difference.
Lexie and I continued on. I pulled out the Scripture cards I had stuffed in my pocket, reading the words, praying the truth, hearing God's amen, and feeling His smile. I walked in our back door humbled, encouraged, and ready for my Sunday afternoon nap.
Dear Father, often my reality seems to bang against what You teach in Your Word. I want to be a woman who trusts You, who lives by Your teachings. Sometimes it is hard. Please help. Amen.
By Sue Tell, Guest Writer