How Can I Fix My Parent’s Marriage?


It's not your job to fix your parent's marriage. Pastor Lance Hahn shares what you CAN do.


I am living at my parent’s house as a young adult and see that my parent’s marriage is crumbling. I know this is not what God wants, and I try to tell them that, but they won’t listen. What can I do to fix their marriage?


Dear Friend – I need you hear something really clearly from me…you cannot fix your family and it’s not your responsibility to do so.

What you can do is influence in a positive way.

You can pray a ton and let God sort it out.

What you cannot do is try to step in the middle, mediate and try to make everyone get along or get back together.

It’s not your role and you will be resented for trying.

You are the child in the house, not the parent. Your parents will assume either you don’t understand, or they don’t want to involve you.

If you continue to press it, they are going to block you from everything.

As much as you saw your dad trying really hard, you need to realize these are highly complicated scenarios, and it’s rare that it's one person’s ‘fault.’ Usually it’s multifaceted, and trying to sort it out would just confuse you and complicate things.

God knows what happened and He knows how to fix it. He’s on the job.

Your job is to love your parents and not make it worse.

Your job is to listen and not preach.

Your job is to pray and watch.

Your mom is reacting to something, and your dad is reacting to something, probably things that they do not fully understand. So even if they wanted to talk to you about it (which I would counsel them against) they wouldn’t be able to articulate it.

I know it hurts to see your parents in such bad shape. I know you want to fix it; I know I did at 7 when mine split. But you don’t get to play that role; it’s not how God designed it.

I love your heart as being a healer and restorer, but you need to let God handle this one.

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