Holding Your Tongue


Sometimes deferring to your spouse can be as simple as keeping quiet, even when you are inconvenienced.

Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive. Proverbs 17:28

David and I went away for spring break to one of our favorite hotels. David knew exactly which kind of room he wanted. He asked for a room with a patio that had a hot tub and a view of the ocean.

When we arrived in the hotel, we discovered there had been a mistake in the reservation. The room reserved for us had no hot tub. David was adamant that we get the room he had reserved, and after many minutes of negotiations, we were given different room. But as we opened the door to the second room, we discovered that it had no view of the ocean. David called the hotel manager, and after some negotiations, we were assigned a room with the view and the hot tub. We moved into the "right" room the following day.

I could have made a big deal out of having to move three times in a day and a half, and to be honest, there have been many times when I would have complained. But this particular time, the Holy Spirit impressed me with these thoughts: Teresa, this is important to David. He has looked for­ward to these special arrangements for a long time. Remember that part of the reason David wants this particular room is so that you can have your breakfast out on the patio. He knows that you love to do that. He's trying to give to you. So, rather than making a tough situation worse by complaining, I kept my mouth shut.

Sometimes that's what deference looks like—keeping quiet, even when you are inconvenienced. The move from room to room took only a few minutes, but even more important was the reassurance David had of my support.

What steps can you take to make sure your spouse knows you defer to him or her?

Lord, help me to know those times when my spouse needs me to keep quiet and defer to him or her.

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