His, Hers, or Ours?


The unity two people experience in marriage should extend into all aspects of their life, including finances.

When God said in Genesis 2:24, “They shall become one flesh,” He wasn’t just talking about the physical. God created marriage as the highest, most honored, and most intimate of all human relationships.

In fact, in Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus affirms the concept of oneness when he said, “…At the beginning the Creator made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” And if I could add…and money shouldn’t either!

Nothing reveals differences in a marriage more than sex and you guessed it…money! There are times when my wife, Carla, and I don’t find it easy to see beyond the differences to work toward common goals. God often puts opposite personality types together in marriage, not to frustrate them but to allow the strengths of each spouse to balance the weaknesses of the other. This way, two can work as one.

In a marriage, there is no “my money” and “your money” or “my debts” and “your debts”. There is only our money and our debts. Carla and I are convinced it is hard for a couple to experience oneness if they are constantly separating their finances. God will bring a couple closer if, from the very beginning, they establish God’s Word as their financial guide and they faithfully follow biblical financial principles together.

Larry Burkett of Christian Financial Concepts and Crown Financial Ministries believes a couple should never separate their finances including checking accounts, because when they develop a “his money/her money” philosophy, it usually leads to “him-versus-her” mentality in other aspects of the marriage as well. Unwillingness to join all assets and bank accounts after marriage is perhaps a danger signal that unresolved trust could exist in the relationship.

It’s hard to be one when you are financially divided. Does that mean you will always see eye to eye on all financial topics? No. Does it mean that one spouse is always right? Absolutely not. But it does mean that as a couple you humble yourselves and tell God, “We need help! We don’t have all the answers. We want to live by your financial principles and experience the oneness we desire!”

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