He's Pressuring Me for Sex
"My boyfriend makes me feel guilty for not having sex. I really care for this guy and I think we have a future together. But how do I get through to him that I don't want to have sex?"
Q. I'm 17 years old, and I'm going out with a 19-year-old guy. I'm a virgin but he's not. He told me he wouldn't pressure me into having sex, but he does. He told me he loves me and respects me and my feelings. But he makes me feel guilty for not having sex. We've talked about it and even though he knows I don't want to, he still asks. I really care for this guy and I think we have a future together. But how do I get through to him that I don't want to have sex?
A. You can't get through to him, because he's not interested in what you want. I predict that if you stay together, he'll wear you down and you'll end up having sex. That's what he's counting on. By staying with him, you're making a statement: I can't give you up, even when you show you don't care about my convictions.
I'm sorry to sound so harsh. I just want you to make a decision before it's too late. My advice would be to dump the guy today. If you think that's too tough, tell him that if he brings up sex again, you're through with him. Tell him you've made your feelings about sex very clear, and you expect him to show you more respect. Maybe he'll get the message and back off. If he doesn't, it's time for you to break up with him. Even though he's telling you he loves you, his actions are making it clear that what he really wants is not a relationship, but sex.
It's never easy to end a relationship, but you can take comfort in knowing you still have your values, your convictions, and your virginity.
Written by Tim Stafford
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