Girls Experience Lust, Too
"My mom and youth pastor brush off my sexual desires as if they're not real because I'm a girl."
Q. I struggle with lust. In fact, I stopped watching the guys at school play basketball because when they go shirtless it causes me to struggle. I try to talk to my mom and youth pastor about my desires, but they just tell me I want to feel loved—they don't seem to realize that I have sexual urges. They brush off my sexual desires as if they're not real because I'm a girl. I've heard so many talks about building Christ-centered relationships, waiting till marriage, and dressing modestly. But no one's ever told me what to do when I just really want to have sex.
A. I'm so glad you asked this question. You are not the only Christian girl who struggles with lust and longing—not by a long shot. But so often, people talk about lust as a "guy problem," leaving girls feeling like there's something wrong with them for having the same struggles. So I want to assure you right now that you are perfectly normal.
I'm also proud of you for taking positive action to avoid a situation that causes you to lust. You are already making good choices about your sexual feelings and I know you can continue to do that. Cutting out opportunities for temptation will go a long way at helping you deal with lustful feelings.
You've also made a wise decision to talk to some adults you trust. I'm sorry those conversations didn't give you the answers you were looking for, but please don't give up on asking for guidance from women you respect. Talk to your mom again and give her another chance to listen to you and offer you advice. Tell her what you've told me and let her know you're trying to make responsible choices with the feelings you have.
So what should you do when you just really want to have sex? Start with prayer, asking God to help you manage your lustful feelings. You will often find that when you interrupt your feelings by connecting with God, your feelings become less powerful and intense. As strange as it sounds, you might even want to thank God for creating you with a healthy sex drive. If you get married one day, you'll be glad it's there.
You've probably already heard this, but sex before marriage is a cheap imitation of the good stuff. Sex is meant to be shared by people who are absolutely committed to each other for life. When you have that commitment, you can let go of all the fear and self-consciousness that can plague sex for unmarried people. When two married people who love and respect each other have sex, there's no guilt, no shame, no wondering if you're being used, no fear of rumors spreading. That is worth waiting for.
So keep working to protect your heart and mind from lust. That attitude helps you to be obedient to God. And even when that's difficult, it's worth it.
Written by Carla Barnhill