Girl Seeking Guy

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What should a woman look out for if she's seeking out a guy to date?

Is it wrong for a Christian woman to seek a dating friendship with a guy?

There is nothing wrong with seeking a guy, and in a certain sense, it is required for things to work. You have to somehow be “out there,” able to be noticed and desired. That is the way the attraction process operates. Both parties need to be involved in life, in activities, and in the ebb and flow of the social atmosphere in which you find yourself. That is the best way for people to seek each other—to be normal social people who have attractive qualities others can see. The best way for you to ask out men is for your character and personality to do the asking for you. As you grow and become the person God wants you to be, those qualities will do all the asking you probably need.

In terms of the social order in relation to gender, usually in our culture, the woman makes herself noticed in some way, and the man initiates in the “asking.” But many times, it works the opposite way. Two people like each other, and for whatever reason, she makes the first “overt” move. Asking him over for dinner, for example. For many men, it is comforting to know the attraction they feel is mutual and that makes it safe for them to follow through.

The danger I see in that scenario is when a woman picks a passive man who has a strong fear of relationships or of being the initiator, and then the woman does all the work in the relationship. Often that pattern does not end in the initiating phase, but continues as a long-term pattern because of his character. If you do the initial contact, be careful that he is a person who has enough initiative to carry through in the rest of the relationship and in life. You do not want to have to carry all the initiating for the whole relationship. That is a sign of dependency and passivity that can be disconcerting long-term.

So, to the pure, all things are pure. If he is a good guy, you can make the first move and things can turn out well. If he is passive or not truly interested, then making the first move will not cure that. Seek what you want, but be careful of what you catch!

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