Getting the Feeling Back

Description

Without adequate emotional skills or pur­poseful development, adults can enter marriage hopeful of deep, emotional closeness but are unable to achieve it. If they aren't careful, they can drift into their separate worlds.

[He] is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. Ephesians 3:20

For twenty-plus years of marriage, Joan and Allen had gone through the right motions. They greeted each other with hugs and verbalized their love. They regularly went on dinner dates, and each did special little things for the other. But now the "nest was empty," and both were feeling a little awkward and uncertain. They were committed to each other and committed to show kindness to one another, but there was little emotional involvement.

Joan and Allen thought that this was as good as marriage gets.

Without adequate emotional skills or pur­poseful development, adults often enter marriage hopeful of deep, emotional closeness but unable to achieve it. If they aren't careful, they can drift apart into their separate worlds. He can get absorbed in his career or hobbies, and she can escape into the world of the children, career, or just endless activity.

It's not enough just to be "nice" in marriage.
A marriage isn't successful and intimate just because there are few con­flicts. Many couples assume that because they don't fight, their marriage is strong. David and I have discovered that if you aren't purposefully working on increasing your emotional closeness, you will drift apart. Kindness and pleasantries must be accompanied by determined emotional closeness.
Joan and Allen fulfilled the daily duties of marriage and family, but they had lost touch with their feelings. As they learned to sense and com­municate their feelings, they were able to express empathy and comfort each other. Their kindness toward each other grew richer and with added feelings. God began to restore their marriage to something beyond any­thing they had ever asked for or dreamed about.
What can you do today to rekindle the loving feelings you and your spouse once shared?
 

Father, thank You for feelings. Give me sensitivity to my own feelings and those of my spouse. Let me not be content with kind pleasantries but pursue true emotional closeness.

 

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