Freedom From the Need for a Boyfriend


Brita shares how she used to be "boy-crazy" and how the Lord has changed her heart.

Let me introduce you to my friend, Brita. She is active in the youth group that my husband pastors. She sings in the praise team; she loves to use her acting talent for God's glory, and she is gifted at hospitality. She's awesome!

But for years she struggled with the ramifications of believing the lie "I need a boyfriend." 

Since I know it's likely a few of you are wrestling with this lie as well, I invited Brita to share her story. It is a story of great hope.

Erin: What helped you realize that you were believing the lie "I need a boyfriend"?

Brita: I really think that it was reading Lies Young Women Believe for the first time. I read the chapter about guys, and it was like a lightning bolt just struck me. I mean, so much of what was said there was stuff that I thought to myself quite a bit. I mean, I was content just hanging out with my friends, but at the same time, I felt that I wasn't "normal" because I didn't have something that all of my friends have had at one time or another. I'm still sort of struggling with that craving for romance in my life, but I'm trying to let God take control and be patient.

Erin: What were the consequences of believing that lie?

Brita: I've always been boy-crazy, to a certain extent. That was something my family told me I was from an early age, so it was sort of ingrained in my mind as something I was supposed to be. When I was 16, I convinced myself that I was in love with a guy from my youth group, and I struggled with that for a year. When I told him how I felt, I didn't realize that he was in a relationship and, despite what I told myself, I really did want him to tell me he felt the same way. When that didn't happen (and he was amazingly kind to me about the whole thing), I was very hurt, and I allowed myself to become bitter and hateful. I almost lost him as a friend, and that made me realize how good I'd had it. We're all right now, but it really made me realize how far I'd fallen into that obsession with having a boyfriend.

Erin: What specific truths from God's Word have helped you overcome this lie?

Brita: Well, in the book, it talks about how in Song of Solomon it says three times, "Do not awaken love before it so desires." It was like God was saying it to me specifically. I also talked to a friend who had gone through sort of the same thing. Since she was older and had more experience with these things, she had gone through the same things and it was such a help to talk to someone who knew how I was feeling and what I was going through.

Erin: How has exposing this lie changed your life?

Brita: It's made me less focused on guys, definitely. I'm happier because I'm not constantly brooding over my newest "flavor of the week" infatuation. I also think that I'm able to focus more fully on God now that I'm not always thinking, Is he looking at me? Does he like me?, etc. It's very refreshing to be in worship and focus on God alone.

Erin: What advice would you give to a friend who you thought was basing her sense of worth on attention from guys?

Brita: I think it all comes down to "I'm not (insert adjective here) enough." And it's important to realize that God made you in His image. Louisa May Alcott once said, "If God had wanted me other than I am, He would have made me so." God made you as a masterpiece, so even though your sin separates you from Him, you are still beautiful in His eyes. You also need to know that God has someone special and amazing who you were made for, who will love and respect you unconditionally and take care of you. When your mate comes along, God will tell you, so you don't need to worry about dating, because God will provide.

I told you she was awesome!

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