Four Friends Every Girl Needs


Many of us have traded a few deep, godly friendships for many shallow relationships.

I often have feelings of loneliness and detachment stemming from a lack of deep, intimate friendships. Many of you responded that you may feel lonely, too, even if you have many people who you would describe as "friends." 

Should we accept our lonely state or do something about it? I vote for option B. In fact, I want to encourage you to do the hard work (and it is hard work to find new friends) to create an inner circle with each of these four types of friends. 

The Intercessor

My friend, Dree, is this person for me. I know that I can call Dree any time—day or night—to ask her to pray and she will do it, and she won't stop praying until I call off the dogs. 

The number one thing that has sealed my friendship with Dree has been the fact that I know when Dree says, "I will pray for you," she means it. That has been like finding a pot of friendship gold in my life. 

The Challenger

It doesn't always feel like fuzzy friend stuff...but it is a good thing to have a friend in your life who is more concerned about seeing you be all that God wants you to be than she is about saying what she thinks you want to hear. 

In the Christian life, accountability is not optional. James 5:16 tells us we are to confess our sins to each other. 

Keep reading and you'll find that James 5:19–20 says, "My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."

Friends who let you continue in your sin aren't doing you any favors, but a friend who brings you back to the truth ... now that is a friend worth having. 

The Kindred Spirit

C.S. Lewis says that you know you've made a friend when you can say to the other, "What! You, too?" 

This is that friend who has shared experiences with you. This is the friend who is the most fun to spend time with because you like the same things, have conversations the same way, and have lots of shared experiences to draw from. 

But the thing about this friendship is that usually it is seasonal. Girls, I think you have a tendency to only look for kindred spirit friends. I think it's great for you to have friends who are like you, but our same age friends aren't likely to hold us accountable because they are struggling with the exact same stuff. 

Which is why you need the fourth type of friend...

The Mentor

Titus 2:3–5 says, Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

These are important lessons:

  • How to love our families (current or in the future).
  • How to be self-controlled.
  • How to be pure.
  • How to be kind.
  • How to respond to authority.

And who should be the teachers? Other women. That means you need an older woman in your life to help you live out your Christian faith in really practical ways. 

Part of the reason so many of us feel lonely is because we have traded in deep friendships with a few in favor of shallow friendships with many, and frankly the return on our investment stinks. Will you join me in seeking out the kind of friends who you can do more than spend time with, but who you can pray with, learn from, and be challenged by?

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