Fornication in the Home


How do you confront the dilemma of having an unmarried couple stay at your home and sleep together? How do you deal with it when it is someone you love in your family?

A young lady wrote to me recently and shared that she had a real dilemma. She said, "I want to obey God and live in His perfect will and just please Him. What do I do when I have a sister coming to stay with me who is not a Christian? She is coming with her boyfriend. They live together and they want to stay with me when they visit me. They will be expecting to sleep together. I have been told two different things.....some have said I can't possibly let them sleep together in my home because I wouldn't have the blessing of God if I allowed that and it is tolerating sin.

Then again, I don't want to judge them at all, and I want to walk in love and as non-Christians that's what they know and how they live. I have been praying and asking God for His wisdom and discernment in this and am still not sure what is the most loving thing to do, because the bottom line is we are called to love. I also realize that walking in love often means not accepting things that are not right.....if they were believers it would be a no-brainer....they could not sleep together...but as non-Christians do I have the right to impose my belief system on them? Please help me and give me the Biblical perspective on this."

I wrote back and said that we had the same dilemma when my niece and her boyfriend stayed in our home recently. So if you ever have a similar problem, here are some questions that may help you: Would you allow a relative bring pornography into your home? I'm sure that you wouldn't, because you know that (in God's eyes) to lust is to commit adultery, and that's a violation of the Seventh Commandment. Would you allow someone to steal, and then use your house to keep their stolen goods? That would not only be a violation of God's Law, but you would be breaking civil law, and you could be prosecuted for allowing your home to be used for such a thing. How about if someone continually blasphemed the Name of Jesus in your house? Would you say anything?

I'm sure you wouldn't allow any of these things because first and foremost you want to please God. Why then would you allow fornication in your home, because it also violates the Seventh Commandment (see 1 Timothy 1:8-10)? How about if they brought some friends with them who were also into fornication, and they stayed at your house?

It's not a matter of you "imposing" your belief system. It's a matter of them respecting you and your home.

So the question is, how do you handle it? This is what we did. We said how excited and honored we were to have our niece staying with us, and that we had a nice comfortable bed upstairs for her boyfriend. We didn't make a big thing of it, and they accepted it without question.

I told this lady that if her sister did confront her on the issue, she should let her know that she loves her, but that she has her convictions and would like her to honor them. I said that she should also take the opportunity to witness to her (to help her understand the situation). If it did cause a problem, her consolation is that she did the right thing and God will work it out for her good (Romans 8:28).

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