Exhortation in the Bedroom


Are you constantly fighting over sexual intimacy in your marriage? Here's a few steps you can take to improve communication and make progress.

On my bed night after night 1 sought him whom my soul loves.
Song of Solomon 3:1, NASA

Amy and Greg fought constantly over sexual intimacy in their marriage. According to Amy, every night after the kids were in bed, Greg would begin to "exhort"—nag was more like it—her about her lack of sexual desire. The result? The situation grew worse, as Amy's desire diminished even more.

God's plan for "two becoming one" includes sexual intimacy. He thought it up. Part of that sexual intimacy is communication, which was meant to guard homes and marriages and to give couples the opportunity to give to one another freely. But God's will always has content, method, and timing. We can have all the best content when we approach a problem, but if our timing and method are not right, things don't get better. In fact, they often get worse.

With that in mind, we suggested that Amy and Greg move their "exhortations" concerning sexual intimacy out of the bedroom and to a place where they could talk in a quiet, relaxed setting. When they did this, they were able to discuss their sexual relationship in a positive, proactive manner rather than in a reactive way.

Amy and Greg made great progress with this approach. Previously, their mistake was that they never "planned" times to have sexual intimacy. This kept one of them looking forward to sex all day long, only to find that there was no mutual desire at the end of the day.

They learned to part in the morning with tender touches and expressions such as, "I'd sure like to be together with you tonight. Let's plan on it." They even began to set aside a night alone without kids, friends, or other distractions for some unhurried lovemaking.

They did all of this because they learned to communicate with one another in a loving, tender way.

What steps can you take today to establish or improve communication between you and your spouse in the area of sex?

Lord, allow our physical intimacy to be a testimony of Your plan for abundant marriage.

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