Even the "Nice Guys" Do It


What's it like in the dating world these days?

It’s got to be getting harder for single Christian women to find decent guys these days.

Not that it was ever easy, but our culture seems to glamorize bad boys, and my pastoral experience is that bad boys don’t make particularly great husbands and fathers. They might not be all that much fun to date either, if you want to be treated like a lady.

I heard three stories recently that embarrass me on behalf of males everywhere.

Story #1, excerpts from a letter to Miss Manners. A woman wrote, “I am 27 and have recently stepped back into the dating game. I have noticed an alarming trend: men commenting on women’s bodies on the first date. . . . Now, I do not mind a well-placed compliment, but I am deeply offended when men who do not know me feel that they can comment on my curves. It is not just the jerks who are wishing to rush the physical . . . even the nice guys do it!”

Story #2, from a 35-year-old former member of my congregation: “It’s impossible to find a decent single guy to date anymore. I thought I had finally found the last one, but he started pressuring me to send him nude selfies of myself.”

Story #3, from a 40-year-old single friend: “Pastor Jeske, do you want to know how bad it is for us today? Even the Christian guys go to strip clubs, and they think they’re virtuous if they don’t touch the strippers.”

How did things ever get this bad? Well, I’m afraid my generation did a lot of damage. Back in the ’60s we clamored for sexual freedom and pretty largely got it. Today you can do almost anything you want sexually, and so people do. Another result is the proliferation of “gentlemen’s clubs” and ubiquitous pornography. A lot of women find work in the sex trade helping nice boys to be bad and bad boys to be even badder. Are those women exploited or corrupters themselves? Probably both.

Ladies, just remember several things: sexual attraction is not respect, and sexual desire is not love. If you give it away, you will get neither. Respect yourself, even if he doesn’t. Ask the Lord for a decent man and wait for his answer. Fathers, you can help—shower your daughters with attention and make them feel beautiful and important. That will lessen the risk that they will throw themselves at some guy in search of those things.
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