Encouraging Sexual Intimacy
Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! Song of Solomon 4:1
Janice and her husband, Steve, often found themselves in conflict over sex.
They had compared the frequency of intimacy with the "averages" they had heard about. They had tried to bargain their way to a solution by, for example, trading one more sexual encounter for a dinner date or for cleaning out the garage. It had not worked for them, and Steve had often become angry over Janice's lack of sexual desire.
How tragic it is that some couples reduce the God-designed plan for two becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24) to mere numbers. Sadly, questions such as, "How long has it been?" or "How often should we have sex?" are common among couples we encounter.
Sexual union is surely envisioned in Scripture when it speaks about a married couple "becoming one.” But there's much more to God's plan. It's often true that conflicts in this area of sexual intimacy have their resolution in deepened friendship and even spiritual closeness.
When times of dating and dreaming are forgotten, sexual closeness goes. Failing to draw together spiritually through shared faith experience allows the coldness of life to quench the warmth of love—including sexual love.
During individual time with Janice, Steve talked about his emotional need to be found sexually desirable. Janice agreed to try an experiment that week. As Steve left for work, Janice sent him off with tenderness and touch and said to him, "I'd sure like to be together with you tonight. Can we plan on it?" Steve later reported that he was shocked but excited.
Janice's initiative encouraged Steve. It began to answer his inner longing to know that his wife found him sexually desirable. His pressuring of Janice subsided, and the frequency struggles diminished.
What steps can you and your spouse take to make the two of you becoming one a more fulfilling part of your marriage?
Father, with Your perfect love, empower me to take the initiative to love my spouse in the physical sense.