Courtney DeFeo shares why it is okay not to have it all together.
There’s a rumor circling about me and it needs to be squashed. “She has it all together.”
I really try so hard to give you the raw, the real, the straight up thoughts. The perception that I have it all together is just false.
I just don’t.
I am surely doing my best and have some positive traits as a mom. However, just like all of us, I am just a girl with insecurities.
I am a woman desparate for Jesus because I have learned I can’t do anything without Him nor do I want to.
I can give you a huge long list of things I do wrong.
I make mistakes, um, daily – including typing this blog entry while my kids watch tv.
Shall I list them all? Or do you want to ask questions? How can I debunk this rumor?
MY GOAL IS “GROWING”
I’m in a relationship with Jesus Christ. I want to follow Him and earnestly work HIS PLAN for our family and for my business. I do not want to “arrive” or do these x things and then be a super Christian or super mom. I want to grow closer to Him every day.
I want to fail miserably, like I do DAILY…then pick myself up and ask for forgiveness, see the lesson and pray for comfort. I want to just plain GROW. Be better than I was the day before, the week before, the year before.
As I look back to some consistent “weaknesses” of my life… I see growth as I finally understand what it’s like to abide in Him daily. I have NOT conquered the dumb beasts. I am not as catty, I am not as sarcastic and jabby, I am not as snippy, mean and moody. I am not as self-asorbed. However, it’s all still me and I still battle them. I AM GROWING.
I have always been pretty “self-aware,” but Jeff Henderson’s “Cimate Change” series
gave me the courage to ask WHAT IS LIKE TO BE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME?
He suggested asking that question to 3 people and then your Heavenly Father. I have so appreciated the thoughts I have gotten. Priceless feedback.
I am not growing towards the mom next door or my sister or to be like my mom. I am growing to be ME, the very best one. The one that looks like a follower of Christ. I have this one life, some skills and talents unique to me, resources, time and I want to be a great steward of it all.
I have these precious kids that make me CRAZY some days, but then I remember they will be off to college in just a blink. So, I get up every day and do what you do. I do the very best I can with my life. I ask Jesus in all his grace and mercy, to help me get through it. Lead and guide me.
I believer there is freedom in that.
I believe I am so much prettier, stronger, nicer, braver than I give myself credit for because the man who created the UNIVERSE created me in His Image and I am His daughter.
I’ve got to rest in that.