Disappearing Before My Eyes

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"If it’s true that the window of the soul is the eye, then my mom’s windows are smudged and opaque; silver and muted in color and in passion." Craig McConnell shares how he tries to cope with his mother's dementia.

She’s disappeared.

Several years ago my mom was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia.

If it’s true that the window of the soul is the eye, then my mom’s windows are smudged and opaque, silver, muted in color and passion. Glazed, lost, disoriented… confused.

To think of life without my mom seems unthinkable. No more mom, who with knowing eyes can speak mercy, love and kindness into my life. Gone are the life affirming hugs. Her embrace is now a grasp… a searching for the strength and hope that there is indeed a future… a heaven, another land, a river to cross… life again. She’s embracing me in her last days as I did her in my first.

Her memory, our names... life is disappearing, eroding... it feels like a cruel finish. It isn't for the simple reason it isn't the end.

My prayer is for the full comfort and peace of Christ and a grand, imminent entry into the eternal kingdom of our Lord. Then, in the hours following I will drink the finest wine to celebrate her victory over death; my tears will be joy; my worship of the One who holds the keys to life and death beyond passion. Life wins in the end.

When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades. - Revelation 20

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